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That way neither of you feels overwhelmed at the thought of having to “process” together for more than a little while. In the first list, name all of the similarities that exist between you.

There’s probably an infinite number of possibilities to explore, but here are a few to get you started: • common interests • activities you both enjoy • principles you believe in • philosophies that guide you • relational tendencies • goals for the future • family relationships • time-management preferences • ways you relate with other people in your life • how you think about and plan for the future Again, this is only a partial list to help you begin thinking about the areas in your life where you two share important similarities.

For example, if you are a firm believer in monogamy but you meet someone who believes in open relationships you can’t continue together unless one of you is prepared to change your values.

However, the dating apps we know and love basically only use the “Yeah, she’s hot and kind of funny” approach to find us our next other half, which, as it turns out, is the best way set up a doomed relationship—which is probably why Tinder isn’t giving you much more than bitter disappointment. Peter Pearson, couples psychologist and founder of The Couples Institute, common interests (and a smokin’ bod) aren’t enough for a lasting relationship.When we say we have a lot in common with someone we usually mean we like doing the same things, enjoy the same food or have the same social habits.While these things can make a relationship run smoothly because you are more likely to want to do the same things – on their own shared interests are not usually enough to ensure a lasting relationship.For a real-life example, Pearson elaborated on a couple he worked with at a workshop, who had serious core value differences.One half of the relationship was a wealthy chiropractor, while the other half liked to keep things simple."He was building this huge house that overlooked a big vista," Pearson said, "and she did not want to waste money on this ostentatious, wasteful shlock.